And also the wind that causes the play
I AM the boy that’s running with all his might,
Holding the cord that’s guiding the flight
People animals oceans trees
I AM every human that’s ever been known
And beyond the body, flesh and boneI AM every thought that shocks or surprises
And every emotion that arises
I AM love and anger, joy and fear,
Passion and peace, or a fallen tear.
I AM beyond description or spoken word
And beyond seeing and cannot be heard
I AM totally invisible yet everything seen
Neither past or future but have always BEEN
Quite a few years ago I had a series of intermittent awakenings, which seemed to have arisen from various dramatic scenarios. One was a nearly fatal motor-bike accident. Another one was dying on an operating table; still more bizarre dramas occurred, and in all these incidents, I was able to see through the illusion of a life that I took to be so real. I saw that everything that had seemed so solid, was in fact unreal and transparent, including ‘me’. I totally lost any fear of death and discovered for myself that there is no death – no end.
I started speaking about all this; I wrote a book and appeared in an interview on Conscious TV, and it all appeared to be flowing. At the same time I was going to Nonduality Meetings, and I founded Nonduality-North, where I regularly invited speakers on this subject to the North of England. I made videos and started doing meetings myself. All the Nonduality speakers were saying ‘ There’s nothing you can do – the awakening will either happen or it won’t; don’t worry about it. Its not important’ . And as this seemed to be my own experience, I concurred with this for years.
After a few years of this, I started to notice that I wasn’t Liberated at all, I now see maybe I was part-way ‘cooked’, but in no way completed! And nor was anybody else! All the same people kept attending meeting after meeting and nobody had attained abiding peace and joy. I’d certainly had awakenings and so I knew Truth, but total freedom hadn’t happened yet – there was no abiding joy..
So I decided to shut up for a while and didn’t write, speak or make videos until I had inquired further. This inquiring, this looking within for who I am, was something that I’d always warned against, misguidedly thinking that this activity would strengthen the sense of identity – not diminish it.
This assumption was completely incorrect, dead wrong in fact.
I became passionate and addicted to Self-Inquiry, spending hours and hours over weeks and months just looking deeply within for ‘ Who and Where I Am’ , and I can only report back to you, that now the sense of identity has been ‘ hollowed or scooped out’ and what remains is an ever-deepening sense of abiding joy, peace, freedom, and bliss, and the great news is, ‘you’ can have this too and achieve it quickly. It is not ‘you’ who does the looking anyway even though it appears that way at first .
So forget: ‘there’s nothing you can do’. It is a trick on words,because yes, ultimately it is not the human sense of ‘you’ who can do anything, but until you see through the human sense of you, which can only happen through looking, it will initially seem like the ‘ you’ is looking, but only the ‘you’, youTHINK you are.
After all how could Presence, Love, allow freedom for only the select few? It’s ridiculous, and it would be so cruel, and that is not part of Divine Love; no part of who You really are.
You have only to look and notice the consciousness of what you are, independent of thought, and then eventually the sense of ‘you’ the imposter, slowly but surely gives way to the sense of Being.
Having seen so many ‘stuck’ people over the years, imprisoned into believing ‘there’s nothing they can do’, and having said that myself so many times, I now know, categorically, that the solid shift only comes from losing all sense of personal identification.
I realised that in all my awakenings, I was also shown my True Self by Presence. It might’ve been in the form of a few instant looks, but looking had happened, I just hadn’t realised it because the looking was so quick. Presence is the ONLY teacher and finds Itself only through your looking within. Although these ‘seeings’ happened quickly for me, they didn’t last. The true abiding in Presence has to come from taking the time to really LOOK on a twice-daily basis until Presence becomes dominant and thoughts fade way into the background.
You are your own Guru – Guru means ‘ remover of ignorance’.
Remember it’s not a personal ‘you’ that looks – but consciousness itself. This is what you are and there is nothing and no-one else doing the looking or finding. You have the Power to do this, because you ARE Presence seeking Itself.
Thoughts will always arise and that’s absolutely fine and right. When I have suggested ‘dropping thoughts like a hot potato’, I simply mean being the witness of thought and not getting ‘on the ride’ with each one. Not actively trying to STOP thoughts, which is an impossibility. We just cease to see any thought as important – (as in one thought being more significant than another) . We gradually become completely unattached to thought and thereby any personal sense of identification with them.
Try to not be so attached to everything you’ve ever read or heard about Nonduality, including my stuff and LOOK FOR YOURSELF. Then you will begin to see the undeniable Truth of all this. Also you cannot rush this, otherwise it will be merely an intellectual process.
Presence Itself helps us with this, then slowly but surely, a switch-around starts to occur: instead of thoughts being like a huge magnet attracting you into a vortex of deep involvement with them; Presence becomes the magnet – drawing you into to the silent spaciousness of ‘ITSelf into ITself.
When I say ‘Presence Itself helps us with this’, I mean that IT can see you looking and IT is delighted, since it is Itself, looking for Itself through you. When Love sees you opening the curtains to let in some light, Presence Itself helps ‘you’ to pull them open further so IT can see more of ITself.
When we talk about ‘ looking’, we are simply asking ourselves the questions ‘ Where am I? Who am I? Find out. Sit with this for 10 mins or so for as often as you can make the time, and watch what happens. When you really begin to look, a space in thought occurs, and with more practice, a spaciousness begins to emerge and eventually this becomes the power that transforms our ‘seeing’ from thought dominance to Presence dominance. Although it takes a little effort initially, there will soon come a natural craving to do this, followed eventually by an abiding in THIS, and finally, no practice necessary. In fact these recommendations are set out so beautifully in ‘Nam Yar’ (which means Who Am I?) by Ramana Maharshi. You can download the PDF of this for free by visiting: